Why Doesn’t My Child’s Football Coach Tell Them What to Do?

“Try not to just kick it!” — helping children make their own decisions

When the ball arrives at your child’s feet, what happens next? Do they kick it away immediately, or do they take a moment to decide what they want to do?

At Soccer Shooters, we want children to discover that they have choices. From our youngest players to our oldest, we use a simple mantra: “Try not to just kick it.”

But we have to be careful. If we want children to make their own decisions, simply telling them what not to do can become another instruction to follow. Instead, we use it to start a conversation:

What could you do with the ball? What are your choices?”

We help children explore four options:

• Control it: stop the ball or roll it into a space.

• Run or dribble with it: carry the ball, explore space or try taking on another player.

• Pass it: choose a teammate to share the ball with.

• Shoot: have a go at goal when they feel confident enough.

  
  

Making a decision means looking at what is happening and choosing what to try. It might be a dribble that loses possession, a pass that doesn’t reach a teammate or a shot that goes wide. A choice doesn’t have to work to be worth making. We want children to feel safe enough to try, see what happens and try again.

For coaches, that means giving children time rather than supplying every answer. We can ask, “What did you notice?” or “What else could you try?” We don’t need to interrupt every mistake. Sometimes the most useful thing we can do is watch, encourage and let the game continue.

Small-sided matches give children plenty of opportunities to practise this. We use them at the start of sessions and throughout, not simply as a reward at the end.

Parents have an important part to play too. As families gather beside the pitch, it’s natural to want to help. But calls of “Get stuck in!”, “Don’t be greedy!”, “Try harder!” or “Stop being silly!” can add pressure and leave children trying to follow adults’ instructions rather than making their own choices.

A child choosing to dribble is exploring an option. A child hesitating may be working out what to do. We won’t always know what they are thinking from the sideline.

The most helpful support is warm encouragement: “Keep going!”, “Well done for trying!” and “I loved watching you play.” Afterwards, try asking, “What did you enjoy?” or “What did you try today?”

It’s their time and their game. Our role is to create an environment they love being in, where they can play with joy, progress with purpose and prepare for life - one decision at a time.